Parenting Young Adults
The evolution of parenting has been on my mind.
Yesterday, a friend gave birth to their first child. The reality of how far on the other side of the parenting spectrum they are from me gave me pause, and a bit of a head shake.
My wife and I have always been hands-on parents. We have an open relationship with our kids, which means we talk about a lot of things openly and honestly. We know their friends. We know their problems. I’m not naive in thinking that we know everything our kids do, but I do know that we know more than many parents.
Our kid’s time at home for winter break is coming to an end. Our son started classes yesterday, and our daughter will next week. They are both now young adults, and we have to respect that this comes with many new freedoms.
When kids are younger, you can discipline them. You can give advice and guidance at all times. They have no choice, but to listen.
When they are older, you need to bite your tongue more and only give that guidance when they ask for it or when there is no other choice. This has been one of the hardest lessons for me as the mentor/teacher/helper in me always wants to give guidance when I think it will help.
Every parent knows the frustration of having been through something similar to a tough time their kids are going through, and yet the child doesn’t want to listen to your advice. It is something that happens again and again as your children grow. But, when they are little, they can shake their head at you, but you still can force some of the help into their lives. When they get older, you can’t, and that is where I’m at this morning.
Everything is ok, and I don’t want to worry anyone. I’m in my regular winter break reflective mood, and the turbulence of having the kids home and then them being gone again hits me deep in my soul.
Plus, I wasn’t expecting the need to answer questions around “will there be a world war?” and “do you think they could start drafting us?” over morning coffee, so there has been plenty of parenting going on these past few weeks.
Parents, since the beginning of time, have gone through this, I know. But, when you are in the weeds, it can seem extra daunting, and that is where I am at the moment. My children will always need me, but how that happens, of course, changes and will continue to do so for the rest of time.
As with every other phase of parenting, I know I’ll look back at this moment years from now and laugh a bit at how concerned I was. It is the natural order of things. It’ll all work out.
